Good morning, bitches.
Every so often my work has gone viral in the past, in honor of my friend Nyx (who is always awake for my calls!), I promised her I would repost this poem just for her.
Here is the OG of both. You could also just go to hailloki.wordpress and type ‘Nyx’ in the search bar. Enjoy.
“Take my hand”-she said
She wore a dark blue dress made of night
In her hair a crown of stars
She stood at the prow of a small boat
gently perched upon the shore
Her right hand on the pole to steer
and her left hand out- to me
“Will you take me?”
I asked of her
“To the other side?”
I did not know what was resided there
but I was tired of residing here
“Do you know who I am?” she asked,
I had not a clue
but I replied, I put more trust in strangers,
then the people I already knew.
The night was calmly quiet,
Just the sound of her oar upon the tides
I did not say a word to her
words tend to lend to lies
In the boat there was a blanket
soft, so dark, and warm.
I feared not how I appeared to her
wrapped tight, safe, and alone.
I did not know the water
Whether ocean, lake or stream
I did not know the oarswoman
Nor awake or in a dream
As I closed my eyes
upon the gentle waves
I felt her hand upon me
and felt peace there as I lay
(The following is still old content from the old blog because I am le’tired and don’t feel like editing it atm.)
I wrote the above poem over the summer on another blog (which I will delete promptly after this writing) based on a fever dream when I was severely ill. I never really felt “right” writing in the new space and of the four posts I made in that blog, this was only thing worth salvaging or coherent.
At the time of writing, I was recovering from a hospitalization due to complications on account of Lyme’s disease that were nearly fatal to me. I lost my summer to a combination of darkness and sleep; often too weak or in pain to do very much at all. (With the right combinations of medications and time, I am back to normal functioning at this time, thankfully.)
Nótt is a personification of night. In Ancient Roman traditions, she is called Nyx, which is her most common name and is considered a daughter of Chaos (Eris– to Discordians)….apropos in particular to me since my spirituality tends to lead me to Discordianism/Chaos Magic forums in a sort of double-life between Heathenry and Discordianism. There is an extensive mythos to her archetype in countless European cultures. To Latvian/Lithuanians, she is called “Breksta” (Twilight) and to the Persians, “Mah“- of similar description and imagery.
Chaos Tradition (which is likely one of the most recently reconstructed forms of “lost” spirituality) is simply the acceptance that we do not possess the capability of understanding the nature of the universe. In Theistic Discordianism, The practitioner remains fluid; divination is “off the cuff” from surface impressions and prayers are expected to be answered in entirely unexpected ways. Truly, having a degree in Philosophy has convinced me no one can have a monopoly on knowledge when all human knowledge is inevitably flawed in relation to “ultimate reality”.
Many Discordians see that pathway to their desires being a “surprise” with only the final result of intention being what matters. This process lies in accepting the “price” of uncertainty in the process and in some, an avoidance of “formal” ritual- but Discordianism, like its Goddess, is mercurial, capricious, and spontaneous. (and often whimsical, in our fashion) Therefore, what is true for me in navigating Eris is going to, inevitably, be entirely different in UPG than others, as others are from one another.
The “path” (to me) as metaphor is a wild river through unknown lands- but the destination is known…. or, conversely, if the path is known, the destination is not….and each path taken in Discordianism/Chaos magics is seldom tread twice.
We understand we cannot have everything, but embrace contradictions, madness, spontaneity, coincidence, and our own form of “grace” which we find in fortuitous synchronicity which guide us. The more “synchronicity” in life; the more “on track” we are with our intentions and works since synchronicity is seen by some of us (myself included) as the reward for good works or as encouragement to pursue the ideas thought at the time of said synchronicity.
My schedule leaves me sometimes in “eternal night” since I tend to fall asleep around 5am and have found myself so accustomed to working 3rd shift from my occupation prior to college, I feel more comfortable in darkness than light….leaving the lights off in my apartment often until my husband returns from work after midnight.
Honestly, light is uncomfortable for me, in the light, I must wear glasses, but by some strange design, my night vision is exceptional except in reading print.
I do not know what the dream meant other than to inspire this poem.
However, as it is now 2/4/2021- I imagine this poem is both for Nox herself as well as those who she rows to the opposing shores safely, whatever the fuck that means.🙃